In an era where courtship has been reduced to merely spending time kissing, having sex many times, partying in or out-house, visiting different places, this ain’t no different from chasing a high.
The reason most marriages fail is due to failure to learn the important things about your partner beforehand in the courtship phase. E.g If you knew your partner is a heavy-drinker when courting, then you wouldn’t be divorcing them coz of drinking just coz you tried to change them and failed.
This is the time to know your partner’s values, beliefs, behaviour (e.g. when they’re under stress), their stand on other life matters such as dispute resolution, parenting, cheating.
What is courtship?
Courting is the time when the lovebirds get to know each other better and develop a deeper relationship. It is often expected to lead to engagement and marriage.
Courtship shouldn’t be confused with dating. There’s a difference. When you date someone, you are basically testing out if he/she can be your one. If they ain’t, you find another date, repeat. If they are, it can lead to courtship, engagement, and eventually, marriage.
To surmise, courtship is done with a purpose whereas dating can be for many reasons.
Activities done when courting?
Lovebirds are encouraged to do many activities together so as to learn each other. Most of these activities require you to really spend time and, most often, money among others. If you ain’t ready to sacrifice this, then you ain’t ready to commit.
These activities include:
- Going out e.g for a picnic, to the movies, dance parties, shopping, etc.
- Meet each other’s parents.
- Meet each other’s friends and really know them too.
- Communicating frequently, long chats and calls.
If a couple does not find the time to go for outings while courting, it is unlikely that they will have the time when married.
Tips & Rules of Courtship
1. Strive to remain pure
Sex, not having it – but discussing the subject. It is necessary to talk about so as to know what satisfies your partner and what doesn’t. Should I have sex while courting?
2. Don’t play around
Court one person at a time as this would help you as a couple to learn or love each other fully. Even if you’re so good at playing around, you may get caught and end up losing your bae/boo.
3. Get to be friends before going romantic.
This helps your partner to feel free to open up to you about matters that only the BFF is authorized to know. Courtship should promote friendship and commitment and not indulging in deep emotions and coitus.
4. Participate in group activities
Group activities not only help you to see how your partner interacts with others but also help reduce the temptation and tension that cometh when you are just the two of you.
Have disagreements and arguments, not intentional, but when they occur don’t run away from them – face them so as to learn how your love settles disputes or how to handle such in future.
F.A.Qs on Courtship
How long should you court?
A frequently-asked question, but the duration it should take chiefly depends on how long it takes you to know your patner well.
How long does it take to know your patner well-enough?
This greatly depends on the individual and your relationship with him/her. Some people only show their good side and some completely fake their personality just to maintain the good impression.
Reality has, however, proven marriage to be an eye-opener.
Should courting involve love-making?
Sex is common in modern day dating and courting. Since you are going to be a couple soon and you’re so deeply in love, it is easy to assume the consequences thereof and indulge in a lot of sex.
However, self-preservation is encouraged as things don’t always work out and you may end up heartbroken or depressed. That said, this is mostly each person’s decision.
Courtship means commitment despite the love. If, while courting, you get an epiphany that you are wasting your time and money, run away from the relationship. Better a broken engagement than a broken marriage.
[…] figure out the other person. Instead of seeking outer validation, find ways to fill yourself first. Court yourself first; figure out your own interests, or hobbies; practice self-care, meditate, exercise; find your tribe […]
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